Local Symphony Conductor Just Wants to Relax After Hard Day At Office

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Local symphony conductor, Fred Vivaldi, is the first to tell you he loves his kids very much, but after a hard day at the office he just wants to kick back and binge watch some episodes on Netflix.

“Listen, I deal with trombone players all day,” Fred says between swigs of his rum soaked Hi-C, “I love my kids, but the last thing I want to hear about is that Ryan has more Legos than Cody does. Boo freaking hoo, kid. You want unfair? How about having a first trumpet player who can’t play the solo in Mahler’s Fifth without cracking the top note with five years left on his contract. That’s unfair. Absolute bull crap I tell you. Absolute bull crap.”

“Don’t get me wrong, a symphony conducting job at the prestigious Corbin County Philharmonic is an absolute dream job, but it is not without its stress. When I get home I just want to blaze through eleven to twelve episodes of The Wonder Years and take a load off.”

“As much as I love that show, Kevin is a real jerk.”

On an average week Fred rehearses the orchestra 3-4 days a week and has a concert every last Friday of the month. His wife, Alice Vivaldi, worries about her husband-

“The week of the concerts are the hardest on him, and us. When he gets home he slams the car door to his Chevy Aveo, comes in and barely acknowledges us before heading to his ‘man cave’ while mumbling something about ‘violas this’ or ‘English horn that’. Sometimes I think he would prefer a 9 to 5 desk job,” she discloses as she takes a drag off her store-brand cigarette glancing out her apartment window at a vandalized ridden community tennis court. “I know I would.”

Fred Vivaldi, though, does have some free time coming up in the near future that he’ll be able to devote to his kids, once this “damned Beethoven festival comes to a close.”



 

COMMENTS

Matt

Matt April 14, 2014, 10:15 am | # | Reply

Perspective.

jazzdude00021

jazzdude00021 April 16, 2014, 5:05 pm | # | Reply

You should submit this to The Onion. It seems to be their brand of humor…


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