First Suite In Eb Judge Critique

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Transcript: English

First Suite in Eb Judge Critique

Title: So, you don't think judges are overly critical of bands when they perform Holst's First Suite in Eb at festivals? Think again:

text pointing at Db flute part: Every high school flautist should own a Db flute. Just have flutes not play at all.

text pointing at Allegro Moderato tempo marking: Way too fast! You are two bpm over the tempo!!! Go...back...to...college!

text: I've seen clowns in clown cars have better seating arrangements than your ensemble. Abysmal!

text: Nice anacrusis...NOT!

text pointing to measure in oboe part: Oboes- for the three counts you need to look more pretentious! (please achieve this)

text pointing to another oboe measure: Why, in God's name, did you blink during this measure?!?

text: (did you have dairy for breakfast today? It's obvious!)

text: (could you have flipped this page any slower?)

text pointing to Contra Bass Clarinet part: Your stool should have been purchased at Ashley Furniture. Looks Wal-marty.

text pointing to bass part: To play these 3 notes correctly you MUST raise your body temperature exactly 4 tenths of a degree. (why did you not do this?)

text pointing to legato on cornet part: You're playing this about as legato as a lumberjack whacking down redwood trees!

text pointing to trumpet part: You must wait to play like a lioness waits fro prey. Looks like you're just sittin' there to me!

text pointing to trombone parts: Your trombones need to sound like french horns using flute mouthpieces made of bird's feathers being played in mid-June.

text pointing to euphonium part: Lean into the half notes, but at a 62 degree angle. By not doing this, this is the highlight of your immaturity.

text pointing to bass part: This should emulate the beginning of time in a galaxy ruled by obese royal giraffes that are trudging through a swamp of murky determination. Why can't your ensemble do this?!?

text: I personally had lunch with Holst back in 1932. He specifically said that you should never play this piece.

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